Marriage and Boundaries

Boundaries are one of the essential lessons of life. Sometimes life does not afford us stable families and so learning to set boundaries takes us decades and decades. It often takes many difficulties, many failed relationships, and even incarceration at times. I have had clients before who thrived when incarcerated and were able to make good choices upon their release. I’ve known others who can only make good choices when they are incarcerated and frequent incarcerations are part of their life. I’ve known other young people start to thrive when they get into the work place and discover the reward that comes from fitting into the structure of the work place.
Marriage also can provide a ‘container” in which boundary issues can be addressed. Yes, some wits might even think of it as “imprisonment! If two people can make a commitment, and somehow honor that commitment through the vicissitudes of day to day married life, many of an individual’s “rough edges” can be smoothed off.

Edgar Simmons put it this way in a poem:

Proofrock has been maligned;
Hamlet should have waived revenge,
Walked with Ophelia domestic corridors,
Absorbing the tic,
The bothersome twitch.

If Hamlet could have endured the tedium of “domestic corridors,” the routine of “hearth and home”, he could have avoided his madness and premature tragic death.

I now include the whole of the poem from which the above excerpt was extracted which might make it more meaningful to you.

By Edgar Simmons

The stutter’s hesitation
Is a procrastination crackle,
Redress to hot force,
Flight from ancient flame.

The bow, the handclasp, the sign of the cross
Say, “Sh-sh-sheathe the savage sword.”

If there is greatness in sacrifice
Lay on me the blue stigmata of saints;
Let me not fly to kill in unthought.

Prufrock has been maligned
And Hamlet should have waived revenge,
Walked with Ophelia domestic corridors
Absorbing the tick, the bothersome twitch.

Let me stutter with the non-objective painters
Let my stars cool to bare lighted civilities.


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